Tuesday, February 24, 2009

More scattered thoughts

Not much time to blog today so here goes...

Depression continues to lurk at the edges...am I bi-polar? I was so down, and then almost giddy for a few days, then cried and cried last night, and now I am even. I think it is probably that the happy was just starting to gel but it got shaken up a bit and I slipped down some but caught myself before it went too far. After a four mile run just now I feel a little better.

My hands are not working right. My fingers are numb, and twice within the past week my fingers have gone all white - a ghoulish white - and then when the blood rushed back in they went almost black. I looked it up and it has a name: raynaud's syndrome or phenomenon or disease. I prefer "phenomenon." The causes range from cold to stress to lupus and rheumatoid arthritis....tomorrow I go to the doctor. My goal is to rule out all the unpleasant choices...I can manage stress or cold, but I don't like the other choices.

Just in case....last night I fell asleep thinking of how I would want to spend my last days if I was dying...I saw myself on the patio at Sierra y Mar in Ferreirola, Spain....or in an ancient stone house in Spello, Italy, or at the spa on Salina Island in Italy....somewhere around then I must have fallen asleep. Spello, Italy

The spa on Salina Island

Now I am off to get my hair cut and colored...that can't help but lift my mood.

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